


One Scoop, Two Scoop

by youraveragemushroom



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: I love one dumbass gay, Keith loves and hates his pseudo-dads, Lactose Intolerant Keith (Voltron), M/M, Minor Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Okay lets be real two dumbass gays, Pining Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27698654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youraveragemushroom/pseuds/youraveragemushroom
Summary: “I still don’t think weird chicken at McDonald’s could have caused this,” Shiro said, poking his prone little brother.Keith didn’t stir, only grunted to signal that he was alive.“No, but eating thirty samples of icecream because a cute boy keeps offering suggestions and you’re a gay, lactose-intolerant mess will,” Adam chimed in, meeting Keith’s viscous glare with a smug grin.“Shut up, Adam!”
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 272
Collections: Just some pretty nice fics





	One Scoop, Two Scoop

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this](https://twitter.com/sharklancestan/status/1291169790648815618?s=21)  
> tweet that i could not stop thinking about and has been sitting in my bookmarks for months
> 
> UPDATE: here's Shark's ao3 too go send her and her fics some love!
> 
> [Sharklancestan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SharkLanceStan)

_Keith was going to die, and it was entirely Shiro’s fault._

Shiro would roll his eyes if Keith said that aloud. But saying that would mean he would have to admit some other things he wasn’t really ready to confess yet, so the raven-haired boy reluctantly succumbed to silently suffering in Shiro and Adam’s guest bathroom. 

“You okay, bud?” Shiro called from behind the door. “You’ve been in there for a while…”

Keith groaned, squeezing his eyes shut. “Yeah. Just...food poisoning…”

The sick boy could hear the other’s frown. “Uh, you’ve never gotten food poisoning from chicken nuggets before, Keith.”

“Well, maybe McDonald’s decided to switch to fake-chicken or something, Shiro. Just, leave me alone—I’ll be fine!”

“Stop being a baby and just take some Teletubby custard, you weak-stomached wimp,” another voice chimed in. “Takashi, I’m unpausing this whether you decide to come back to the blanket fort or not.”

“Fuck you, Adam,” Keith moaned, gripping the cold sink tightly as he shakily got up. The contents of his stomach had been mostly emptied, but the cramps were setting in for the night and Keith would prefer not to suffer through them on the dusty guest-bathroom floor.

Footsteps shuffling away were heard, followed by a faded, “can’t you just call it Pepto-Bismol like a normal person?”

By the time Keith trudged out of the bathroom, glaring at the traitors cuddled up in front of the TV and watching some cheesy, mid-2000s romcom, he was half-sure he would pass out on the way to his brother’s kitchen. Luckily, he made it to the medicine cabinet before the pain forced him to curl up into a ball on the floor again. Keith was tempted to chug the offending pink liquid to get rid of the awful feeling, but he forced his delirious mind to search for a spoon. Ten minutes later, he found himself begrudgingly commandeering a sizable corner of the living room blanket fort (which basically covered an entire third of the tiny apartment) and ignoring Adam and Shiro’s presence, while he attempted to sleep the pain away.

“I still don’t think weird chicken at McDonald’s could have caused this,” Shiro said, poking his prone little brother.

Keith didn’t stir, only grunted to signal that he was alive.

“No, but eating thirty samples of icecream because a cute boy keeps offering suggestions and you’re a gay, lactose-intolerant mess will,” Adam chimed in, meeting Keith’s viscous glare with a smug grin.

“Shut up, Adam!” Keith shouted, throwing the object closest to him—the throw pillow under his head—at the man laughing at his misfortune.

“Wait, wait, wait. What’s this about a cute boy?” Shiro asked, latching onto the embarrassing conversation starter Keith was not in the mood to encourage.

“There was no cute boy,” Keith protested weakly, rolling so he was facing away from his shit-grinning brother. 

“Oh,” Adam continued, ignoring Keith’s telepathic, murder-glare. “Would you prefer handsome, then? Hot? Gorgeous, beautiful, stunning—”

“Shut the fuck up, Adam!” Keith whined, burrowing deeper into the blanket he was hoarding. 

Shiro laughed even louder, poking his little brother’s shitty blanket burrito. “Awe, c’mon Keith! Tell us about the cute boy you sacrificed your health for! You can’t leave me hanging like this!”

Keith groaned, ignoring his brother and his boyfriend as they laughed at his expense. Like either could talk! If Keith wasn’t just coming back from the grave, he’d have been listing all the stupid, dumb things both idiots of the pair had done as a result of being dysfunctionally gay messes. Keith’s little lactose intolerant episode was nothing in comparison to the shenanigans the other two had gotten up to. I mean, he had to learn the dramatics from somewhere, right?

Shiro paused his laughing, turning back to his disgruntled brother. “Wait, don’t you have your pills on you? Just on the off chance that the McFlurry machine will be working?”

Before Keith could interject with some lie, Adam cut him off with a loud guffaw. “You should’ve seen the gay panic on Keith’s face when the kid handed him the first sample! Oh my god, Kashi, I could practically feel how red Keith got, hah!”

Keith threw the blankets off, turning to point at Adam furiously. “You were spying on me!”

“The windows were made of glass and my phone was dead, bitch! Of course I was watching your trainwreck!”

Keith huffed, falling back into the blanket pile. “I just—he already had three options lined up! I didn’t want to ruin the moment with, fucking, Lactaid pills.”

Shiro roared with another bout of laughter, forcing Keith to try and suffocate him with the nearest throw pillow. The brothers fought, Adam laughing and generally unhelpful, until Keith decided to set his sights on a new victim. A three-way pillow fight ensued, which Keith only managed to win due to both older adults focused on teasing the younger one, and the embarrassment-fueled rage that came from it. 

Keith found himself smooshed between his two, insufferable pseudo-guardians, in the end. The movie had been rewound so Adam could rewatch Katherine Heigl trying on an insane amount of dresses, and Keith was shushed every time he tried to protest or get up. 

“Did you even get his number in the end?” Shiro asked, ruffling the disgruntled boy’s hair.

Keith glared at Adam. “Why aren’t you shushing _him—_ ”

“Shh!” Adam said obnoxiously, flicking Keith’s ear. It was too dark to make out the smirk on his face, but Keith could imagine it as if it were in plain sight.

“Answer me!” Shiro exclaimed, shaking his brother. The movie was put on pause by an exasperated Adam, who also turned to the younger boy for an answer. Confronted by both of them, unable to escape, Keith looked down at his hands. He began plucking at the worn blanket, avoiding their gazes.

“Uh,” Keith stalled. “I mean...define number...”

Adam snorted, Shiro shushing his boyfriend. “And after all that pain and suffering—wow, Keith.”

“C’mon Adam,” Shiro reprimanded lightly, turning back to his scowling brother. “Why didn’t you ask him for his number, bud?”

Keith scrunched his face. “I don’t know! I mean, what if he’s straight? Or grossed out? Or—he was at work, Shiro! I don’t wanna be one of those creepy guys that hit on people at work! Ugh, oh my god, do you think he—”

Adam pinched the younger boy’s lips shut, against Keith’s attempted protests. “Hold on, kiddo. I’m gonna stop you right there. One, he very visibly had a bi flag pin on his apron, so ixnay on the aight-stray.”

“But—”

“Two,” Adam continued, “I couldn’t see what your face was doing, since you were facing away from the window, but I could see that boy light up at whatever stupid shit you said, and trust me kid—the stars in his eyes would beg to differ.”

“You’re just saying th—”

“And three,” Adam cut him off again, pulling Keith into a headlock, ignoring his squawks of protest, “the boy tried sliding you a napkin that definitely-probably had his number on it before you left, but your dumbass just walked out the damn door. Poor guy looked bummed as fuck.”

Keith paused his struggling, digesting what Adam just said.

“WHAT?!” he shouted, pulling himself free. “What the fuck, Adam?! Why didn’t you say anything when we were there?”

Adam shrugged, leaning into his boyfriend’s side now that Keith wasn’t in between them. “I wanted ice-cream, and you already took so long getting it.”

“Adam!” Shiro exclaimed, poking the offender in the side. 

“The place closes in fifteen minutes,” the man offered in response, pressing play on the movie. “Better run, _lover-boy_.”

And the impulsive streak that Keith could never fully kick latched onto Adam’s last line, grabbing the nearest coat and stuffing his feet into the nearest pair of shoes, before he was out the door, out the apartment building, and barreling down the road to a familiar little ice-creamery. 

Shiro pouted at his boyfriend, who ignored it in favor of staring at James Marsden.

“You’re mean,” he pointed out, running his fingers through his boyfriend’s short hair. “You should’ve told him before we left.”

“And have our resident gay-by miss out on a kickass meetcute? Absolutely not. Trust me—they’ll thank me at the wedding.”

Shiro rolled his eyes at his secretly dramatic boyfriend, snuggling closer. 

Keith huffed, and puffed, and nearly collapsed in front of _Kaltenecker’s Shakes_. Fortunately for him, he managed to remain upright by collapsing against the store’s wall. Unfortunately for him, the walls were—as previously mentioned—made of glass. See-through glass, that the cute boy from before was currently seeing through, witnessing Keith gasp uglily as he tried regaining feeling in his legs. 

Keith was normally not bad with cardio, but after having spent the better part of the evening emptying his guts into his brother’s guest toilet-bowl, he was a little too weak to make the mad dash he did to get to the ice-cream parlor before it closed. A quick glance at his phone screen told him he had two minutes (and dwindling) before they would lock up.

Despite still breathing very heavily, Keith pushed open the door to the little store, the bell chime barely audible over the rushing of his blood in his ears. Now that he was actually here, the dark-haired boy realized he didn’t actually have a plan. 

The cute boy from before was still at the counter, staring at Keith with wide-eyes. It looked like he was in the middle of a conversation with another employee, a tall, darker-skinned boy who was refilling the napkin dispensers on the bar.

“H-hello, again,” the cute employee stuttered, sharing a look with his companion at the counter. “What can I get for you, before we close up for the night?”

Keith’s mind—ironically—froze. “Uh…”

The silence was palpable, broken by the other employee saying, “Well, I’m gonna get started on cleaning _in the back_ , leaving you two _all alone_ in here…”

The cute vendor cut a panicked look at his fellow coworker, whose smirk reminded Keith of Adam’s, but much less vindictive. The taller boy glided through the backdoors, disappearing into what Keith assumed was the kitchen, leaving the two boys to stew in the awkward silence alone. 

The cute boy broke the silence first, walking towards Keith’s side of the bar. “Um, I could get you more of that chocolate chip cookie dough, if you wanted the same thing? Or, I think there were some samples I didn’t get to—”

“I’m lactose intolerant,” Keith blurted, cutting the other boy off. From there, they found themselves in another awkward silence, this time staring wildly at each other. Keith forced himself to continue this time, instead of just staring at the cute boy and freaking him out even further.

“I mean,” he said, wringing his hands nervously, “I can’t have dairy. Well, I actually can, ‘cause I have pills. But, I didn’t take them this afternoon when you gave me all those samples—”

The cute boy looked horrified, gasping. “Oh my god! Oh no, I’m so sorr—”

Keith cut him off again, this time on purpose. “No! Don’t apologize. You didn’t know, so...it was really my fault, haha, so, don’t blame yourself, um…”

The boy blinked, realizing Keith was waiting for him to fill in the blank. “Lance,” the boy supplied, pointing to his nametag. “And you?”

Keith blinked, resisting the urge to smack himself for not noticing the nametag. “Uh, Keith. And, yeah. Not your fault, so don’t apologize. I just—was dumb and forgot I had them on me.”

The cute boy— _Lance_ , his brain reiterated—frowned at that. “Then why didn’t you say something? You must’ve tried at least twenty samples, dude!”

Keith could feel the heat rush back into his face. “I—uh…”

“I mean, we definitely offer sorbet options!” Lance continued, tone almost incredulous. “And some non-dairy options, too? Like, you definitely didn’t have to—”

“I think you’re really cute!” Keith accidentally blurted out, mortification setting in.

Lance blinked quickly, frozen in place. “Y-you...what?”

“Shit,” Keith muttered, slapping himself on the forehead. “That came out wrong.”

Lance deflated at that. “O-oh. Okay, then—”

“Wait! I didn’t mean—” Keith groaned at his incoherence. “I just—I didn’t want to stop talking to you, so I just went along and tried all your samples, because I didn’t know how to ask for your number, and I didn’t know if you were straight—and I didn’t wanna be a creepy dude who hits on you while you work—‘cause I know that’s super gross and totally inappropriate for a customer to do and—”

“Oh my god, you’re so cute,” Lance giggled, leaning his head on his palm, elbow anchored against the bar between them. “A little dumb, but so fucking cute!”

Keith was torn between feeling ecstatic and a little hurt. “Hey—!”

“Tell you what,” Lance said, cutting Keith off for once. “I’m gonna write my number on this napkin—” he jotted a ten-digit number on a napkin swiped from the newly-filled dispenser “—and you’re gonna take it, this time—” the napkin was pushed into Keith’s hand, warm brown meeting sweaty pale skin “—and I’m gonna take you out on a date to make up for poisoning you with dairy, even though it was really on you.”

Keith nodded dumbly, clutching the piece of paper tightly. Lance smiled at that, prompting Keith to blush at the sight of the cute ice-cream boy’s full-blown grin. Lance tapped Keith’s closed fist twice, stepping around the bar.

“Awesome,” he said lightly, walking towards the door. “Glad that’s settled. Now, if you don’t mind, it’s past closing time and Hunk and I really wanna get home soon.”

This broke Keith out of his stupor. “Of course! Yeah, I’ll just…” He gestured to the door, which Lance held open, leaning casually against it. Lance chuckled at the flustered boy as he quickly crossed the doorway. 

Keith lingered for a moment in the doorjamb, lining himself with Lance, ignoring the fact that he was just now realizing the blue-eyed boy had an inch on him. Eyeing the mirthful smirk on the other boy, Keith realized he didn’t wanna let this obnoxious(ly cute) ice-cream vendor have the upper hand. Leaning in, raising himself slightly on his tip-toes, Keith gave Lance the lightest of pecks on his cheek, revealing in the almost-immediate flush that spread across the taller boy’s cheeks.

“Later, Lance,” Keith whispered, exiting the shop and turning to walk back to Shiro and Adam’s apartment.

“I’m gonna get you back, mullet!” he heard Lance yell from behind him. “It is _so on_!”

Keith spun around, walking backwards to catch the mischievous smirk Lance wore as he watched him leave. “Looking forward to it, ice-cream boy!”

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily unedited and literally i havent looked at this in a month and just remembered i finished this little fic lol
> 
> Also I’m not lactose intolerant (at least, i dont think i am but i may be a little bit lactose averse idk i can eat ice-cream at least, though some days my body does tell me no to dairy) so if Keith’s lactose intolerance is super unrealistic let me know how to fix it pls
> 
> If yall catch anything i should tag pls let me know and ill add it to the tags!!
> 
> Comments and kudos are super appreciated as it feeds my fragile ego and gives me serotonin :P !!
> 
> [EDIT: March 2021 - IM SO SORRY I HAD ADAM CALL SHIRO SHIRO I JUST REREAD THAT AND CRINGED I FIXED IT HES TAKASHI NOW NDJDHDJDJFJD]


End file.
